I was a happy kid, then things started happening within my family, things that my siblings did, I realised their cruelty & viciousness was a part of the core of their being, overlaid by a self-image of strength & wisdom, courage & kindness.
This falsity persists, they've now become closer to each other due to their despite of me, maybe that's a good thing for them, in the long run, but it's certainly no fun for me.. My Mum is no longer capable of telling them to back-off & they have zero regard for my ideas, my wishes, my history as Mum's long-term carer, their guilt & shame over their neglect of Mum, forces them to hate me for who I am, which is very tiring, I am so very tired.. of it all.. I just want to sleep & not wake-up..
Saturday, late afternoon, the remanants of a cup of coffee have gone cold, the fire is warm, making the room seem cosier than it would otherwise be. The rain is intermittent, but a downpour is sure to come. Got a stinker of a cold, so informed Deacon that unfortunately, I won't be attending service tomorrow.
Going to have a nice hot meal, of roast beef, potatoes, carrots, onions, garlic & herbs, with a side of steamed savoy cabbage, done over the pan of pot's.
I think a hot bath and early bed, are definitely on the cards for tonight, I'll read until I can't, then I'll put out the light & go to sleep. I've got cocoa, so a big mug of steaming hot cocoa beteween exiting the bath & going to bed, will be a nice way to end the evening.
I hope you are well & remembering to live, as well as being the worker/fixer/boss/co-owner/whatever. We must be mindful of the welfare of others, at all times, at all times except when we need to put ourselves first, temporarily, when it's time to recharge ...
