I'd love to go on a long holiday, to my own past & really, I would not come back to this time, if I could escape into a point in my past, of my own choosing.

The fantasy would be complete as a kind of groundhog-day, without the knowledge of it of course. The Matrix-like forever-in-the-past fantasy, is so much more appealing than this unshakeable feeling of dread that I get from visions of the future.

Life was supposed to get better as I got older, it hasn't, quite the reverse.